This blog probably won’t make sense to a lot of people. If it does, you’re probably my homie.
Incoherent, disconnected ideas in a rambling format can be uncomfortable.
Sometimes it feels like my brain is traveling a million miles an hour and the only thing outrunning it is my mouth.
It leads to rambling and countless awkward situations. Sometimes when I’m talking my thoughts come out, and I will forget that I am speaking to another human – or, something will be coming out of my mouth and I will already be three conversations ahead in my mind. It isn’t a weakness, and I’m not changing it. So, there’s that.
(P.S. I’m a terrible listener. I’m working on this one, but no promises.)
It’s important to know your weaknesses along with your strengths.
My dad called it diarrhea of the mouth (he’s good at math).
I love it. Most creative types recognize and appreciate it for what it is – and know it creates results. They tend to be able to see past it naturally.
There are so many ideas moving along the brain track that only makes sense to me. It has always been my blessing and my curse.
This ‘creative chaos’ is comforting. If you are a Type A personality, you won’t understand this, just like I will never understand folding and putting away clean clothes or organizing your pantry (really, why waste time?).
I hate being bored. I cannot stand it! I bore so easily. I bore of places, people, things… quickly. It’s that gypsy soul I guess.
When I was young, they called it ADD. I’m certainly not ADD as I CAN focus when it interests me. My issue is – most things don’t interest me long enough to follow through.
My stack of unfinished higher education is a testament to that.
When I do find something that sinks it’s hooks in and keeps me entertained, I am on it 100%. I don’t half-ass things I care about. Right now, I have a good mix of exciting tasks, people, and places that keep me stimulated. I can be the best at whatever it is I am now.
I crave adventure. I want to see things, do things – but not dull things. Take me to the side of a volcano or something…
I enjoy fear – I find it empowering. It’s a challenge. (I don’t mean like playing in traffic -I mean like skydiving.) The problem with enjoying fear is over time you build resistance and must continuously seek out a better adventure. It’s like any drug I suppose.
(Being a housewife was never my gig. I sucked at it. Not what I was made for.)
Some people have known what they want to do with their lives since they were young. I like to keep my options open.
The idea of staying in the same place, at the same job, or even in the same house longer than a few years terrifies me. It’s my worst fear. We are approaching two years here, and my soul is getting restless.
I really cannot see myself staying in one place forever.
Shallow thinking is tough for me. I can ‘over-complicate’ just about any topic. It’s the analytical part of my personality. I will tear apart and dissect just about anything and build a mental flowchart deriving conclusions, solutions, probabilities and more within a matter of minutes.
I can then explain it to you if you have hours to spare.
This is a handy tool in most cases.
I spend a lot of time understanding, and a lot more time being misunderstood. I’m okay with that.
When talking to others, it can be a real pain in the ass.
I can read people like books. I can tell you more about someone after a five-minute conversation than most people can after spending weeks with them.
I will be friends with anyone. I am friends with people ranging from Preachers and doctors to gang members and ex-cons.
If they are good people, we can be friends. (If you are reading this and thinking gang members and ex-cons cannot be good people, you may be a shallow thinker.)
The way people think fascinates me. The way they don’t think frustrates me.
I like the crazy ones. The ones who can think outside the box and believe in endless possibilities. The ones who are unafraid to walk alone. The strange ones, the outcasts.
Black and white thinking makes my brain hurt. I can do it when necessary. If 2 = 2, I can accept that. I can demonstrate that. But I’m going to hate it.
Math sucks. Words are my friend.
For someone who hates rules, I really like to follow them. My rebel heart has its limitations. Rules that make sense are the easiest to follow, although if you really investigate a rule, you will generally find there is a reason behind it.
This is why I enjoy art so much. There are no rules. Some will try to say there are, but there aren’t. There is no good and bad because it is all subjective. You are free to be you and express yourself how you want.
You don’t like my flower painting? Oh well, someone else will think it is a masterpiece. More importantly, I think it is a masterpiece.
I’m a terrible teacher. I lack the patience to teach others. I have unrealistic expectations of people sometimes, so it’s better I am the student.
I think I’m tapped out now. My head hurts from the weather. I should probably work up the motivation to work out.